she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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