I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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