I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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