My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize