I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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