I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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