My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize