u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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