does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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