Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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