we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize