Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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