Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize