my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
God I need to hump something, right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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