once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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