There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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