I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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