Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize