Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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