he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize