I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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