I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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