So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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