I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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