I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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