i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize