Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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