Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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