I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
