ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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