I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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