You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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