i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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