If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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