I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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