Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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