So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize