Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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