I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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