you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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