So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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