Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize