i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize