He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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