i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize