lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this hospital has no fireball
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize