if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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