talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think I died a long time ago.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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