His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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