I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize